Pregnancy is an incredible journey filled with anticipation, hormonal changes, and unfortunately, unsolicited advice and annoying comments from well-intentioned individuals. It’s remarkable how people can’t help but share their opinions, even when you wanted them not to. Here are five phrases that get on my nerves during pregnancy, and you might want to avoid saying them in front of a pregnant woman:
1. “You Look Tired”
It’s universally true that telling someone they look tired is hardly a compliment. This is a subtle way of saying, “You appear completely exhausted, and it shows.”
I encountered this gem many times in the later stages of my pregnancy, when fatigue had become my constant companion.
Trust me, this is a comment that should be kept in the safe of things you never say to a pregnant woman or any woman.
Sure, I’d give a polite smile and nod when I heard this, but deep inside, I responded, “Yes, I’m tired because I commute three hours a day, three “I take a heavy hour of sleep.” Because of the pain in my hips at night, and the constant sweating, I lost the equivalent of a small lake’s worth of fluid.
All the while, I’m gasping for air because it feels like this baby has taken up residence right below my lungs.”
A friendly reminder to everyone on this planet: Avoid telling any pregnant woman, or any woman in general, that they look tired. Perhaps it’s best to assume they are facing some unseen battles, and your astute observations may not be as appreciated as you think.
Plus, I’m pretty sure there’s an unwritten law that allows pregnant women to give you the legal side-eye or a gentle (or not-so-gentle) reminder to keep such comments to themselves.
2. “It’s Not Like You’re The First Woman To Ever Give Birth”
During a light-hearted conversation about treating myself after childbirth #2, a childless female co-worker decided to drop some wisdom, and told me that having a baby is just an everyday occurrence and not a remarkable accomplishment.
Is, Well, color me enlightened! I was thinking here that I had reached an unprecedented event in life.
This is one of those situations that, unless you’ve experienced it, you can’t fully understand the complexities of pregnancy and parenthood.
I also underestimated the challenges until I went through them. The journey of getting pregnant, carrying a baby, and raising children has easily been the hardest chapter of my life.
While I understood where she was coming from, her comment seemed to gloss over the serious physical and emotional barriers I was struggling with at the time.
Lesson learned: Sometimes, a little more empathy and a lot less unwanted intelligence goes a long way.
3. “You’re So Big!”
Ah, the joys of the unsolicited size comment! Yes, I’m aware that I look “so big” – thanks for that interesting observation. It’s surprising how some people assume that a pregnant woman wants to be constantly reminded of her changing size.
And then there’s the classic, “He’s going to be a big baby!” Because, of course, a woman’s size during pregnancy accurately predicts the baby’s dimensions, right? Spoiler alert: not even close.
Some women naturally gain weight differently, and size is not directly related to the baby’s final weight.
What’s even more surprising is that these comments often come from other women, some of whom have children themselves. Perhaps they have simply forgotten the wonders of pregnancy size fluctuations.
Call me hypersensitive, but when I see my stretch marks first emerging,
I really can’t live without live commentary on my growing belly. Can we just stick to the baby shower compliments and leave the size assessment to medical professionals, please?
4. “If You Focus On Your Breathing, You Don’t Need An Epidural…”
During labor with Eva, my little Asian nurse decided to offer her unique motivational perspective. As the contractions began, she happily suggested, “You don’t need an epidural, right?” Flashing a polite smile despite the pain, I replied, “Oh yes, I need one!”
Lesson One: Never question a woman in labor about her pain management preferences.
As if that wasn’t enough, she shared the inspiring story of a woman who opted to get an epidural and had a fine delivery. Without any worry, I insisted, “No, I need an epidural. Like, right now.” Unfortunately, the universe had other plans.
By the time the doctor checked my progress, I was already 7-8 cm dilated, and the epidural backup was MIA.
Through the agony, I clung to my husband and asked desperately, “Where’s the epidural?” The nurse’s dire prediction came true; I delivered without any relief from pain. Shame on that woman and her prophetic skills.
Note to self: Next time, insist on talking about an epidural before labor gets intense.
5. “You’re Eating For Two, Mangia!”
Ah, the constant buffet commentary during pregnancy – a true classic. As if I wasn’t already navigating that enough, “You’re eating for two!” Continuous exclamation of. Piling up extra calories on my plate became a common theme.
Note to self: The little human inside me doesn’t need an extra 1,000 calories.
Adding to the culinary drama, both my father’s and my husband’s Italian families were proponents of the philosophy that more food equals better health. For them, ensuring a child’s well-being means piling on the portions. Cue eye roll.
Equally troubling was the question, “That’s all you’re going to eat? You’re pregnant!” No, I’m not intentionally starving my child just because I didn’t eat three pounds of ribs on order.
Can’t I enjoy my two pound ribs in peace?
so what about you? What were those annoying pregnancy comments that drove you crazy?
Feel free to add to my growing list of things not to say to a pregnant woman. Because really, who needs extra commentary when you’re just trying to enjoy a meal for two?
